Moxxie: Are you kidding me, sir? She's awful! d- DO YOUR JOB!!īlitzo: Hey, now, we don't blame our screwups on Loona, okay?! She didn't do anything wrooooong~ Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target. Moxxie: I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Now what insurance provider do you freaks have? Pink-haired Nurse: Doctor, he's not responding!īlue-haired Nurse: It didn't do anything!ĭoctor: Dammit! I'm not losing another one.ĭoctor: He appears to be in stable condition, but he'll need surgery. Singer: ♫ We'll even let you keep the knife ♫
Singer: ♫ We'll kill your husband or your wife ♫ Singer: ♫ because we come straight up from Hell! ♫ Singer: ♫ The Immediate Murder Professionals! ♫ Singer: ♫ We'll make it look like suicide ♫ Singer: ♫ call the Immediate Murder Professionals! ♫ Singer: ♫ and you don't want to wait too long ♫ Moxxie: Do not- Do not agree with him in front of me!īlitzo: Hi, there! I'm Blitzo! The "O" is silent, and I'm the founder of I.M.P.! īlitzo: Are you a piece of shit that got yourself sent to Hell, or are you an innocent soul who got FUCKED over by someone else?!ĭemon Guy: After lovingly killing my wife for FUCKING A DELIVERYMAN, you can imagine my surprise when I wound up here, after the state of Ohio killed me! I really wish I could STICK IT to that YAPPY JOGGER who saw me hiding the body!īlitzo: Well, luckily for you, thanks to our company's special access to the living world, we can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive! Moxxie: Okay, sir! I'm sorry, a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre. īlitzo: I can't believe you, Moxxie, after I made you employee of the month! Millie: Are you tryin' to crush his dreams, Moxxie? Are you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did?īlitzo: 'Cause right now, all I see is just my dad's asshole talking to me! Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside. What's "obnoxious" about a super-fun jingle, all right? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spittin' bullshit!īlitzo: Exactly, Millie! And we're basically doin' a musical.
One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel nobody watches.īlitzo: Uh, hey, excuse me.
Moxxie: I don't need any reminding, sir, considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. Have you guys forgotten what service we provide? Really glad you're in the room right now.
Moxxie: We can't afford a billboard, sir.īlitzo: Helpful, Moxxie. No one cares about cars being clean here, okay? Ooh, what about a billboard? any bright ideas on how we can get business drummin' up again?īlitzo: This is Hell, Millie. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here.
Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.īlitzo: Alright, now, I know business has been. This is a transcribed copy of " Helluva Boss Pilot".